It was me, not you...

Confession and Public Apology Time:

First of all, apologies with a caveat are meaningless. In other words, if one says they are sorry and then they include the following word, "BUT", well then they are not truly sorry for their sin, they are simply trying to transfer their guilt and shame to you rather than keep it themselves.

So, with all of the honesty and sincerity and some humor,  I hereby proclaim to my dearest and sweetest cousin, Janice, :

I'M AM SORRY I FELL ASLEEP WHILE YOU WERE TALKING TO ME...... Period 

This whole trip has been a whirlwind filled with many emotions from seeing old familiar sites, hearing old familiar sounds, smelling old familiar scents and of course seeing dear friends and family. It left me exhausted, even to the point I could not convince myself that yesterday was Friday and I couldn't understand how I could have lost a day.

I'm seeing things for the first time with a new set of eyes and appreciation. 

I'm not here for nostalgia. I'm not here to remember old times. I'm here for inspiration and growth and what better way to fill those needs than with friends and family who have been there and meant so much to you during difficult and troubling times.

After lunching with dear friends, Denny and Sue Wintersteen, I concluded the afternoon with a much needed visit with my very close cousin, Janice.

I have admired her for my entire life as a strong, hard working woman who carries the spirit of the "Kender Clan", records their history, though she is still looking for some of the lost pages that she placed in her special location so she could find them when needed, and keeps the tradition of cooking ethnic Hungarian foods to remind us of a past when meals and food were enjoyed by the entire family all seated at the table at the same time with no phones or tablets.

Janice, please forgive me. It wasn't you it was me!!... Love you.

Peace

Stardate 98084.47 Georef Latitude:39.779334 N Longitude -84.032211 W

One of the many exciting occurrences that happens during my infrequent visits to my hometown of Dayton, Ohio is the stimulus I receive (not to be confused with the $$ stimulus those of us making < 90 K last year received this past March) from my oldest brother, David. After 25 years in the U. S. Air Force serving in so many capacities that included the ones where he uses the cliche' "if I told you what I did, I would have to eliminate you", to teaching in the Biomedical Engineering Dept of Wright State Univ., he is always challenging me to use my head-brain. And yes. he does accept head-brain as part of my vocabulary.

We were both up at 4:00 AM this morning, which if any one of you would have taken the time out to decipher the Stardate in the title to this blog, you would have known that.

Early morning has always been my zenith for creativity whether it be writing, tinkering, reading or just plain thinking. Apparently it is his trait as well, since he was busily completing the daily Suducko hours before the sun comes up

This morning our discussions included topics on Geo Referencing, Raspberry Pi code, flatulence (he does have a sense of humor) and ten or fifteen other items. While we talked my eyes searched his office/laboratory for any new gizmos or gadgets that he might have acquired since my last visit. I spotted a clock on the wall and realized that,"Yep, that is an item of intrigue"and inquired about it. He said it was a present from his daughter, my niece Kimberly, a genius in her own right.

As you can see it is not just a clock but it too is a mind simulator. I know in visiting with Kim over the years that she too was always challenged to think and use her head-brain as well.

The next few days will rush by and I'll return to my new "digs" back in Texas, which by the way is in Fairview, Tx. and any of you who knew me in my youth will be surprised at that full circle of  address connections as well. My head-brain will be stimulated to accomplish any challenge before me as I feel the desire to write, think and solve many of the mysteries of this complicated world.

So much to share, so much to do,  so much stimulation I have to get moving. It's going to be yet another day in Paradise.

Oh, one quick note before I leave you all for the day.

I made it a point to visit my parents grave site yesterday. It took me almost an hour to locate it even after receiving directions from the cemetery office. Apparently, I spelled or she misspelled my parents last name and was sent me off in the wrong direction. Fortunately a man operating a backhoe (don't ask) was able to help me out in finding the sacred ground.

I told Mom and Dad I was doing okay and it was good to be back in town. Mom told me to keep my feet planted on the ground and to never forget my roots. She smiled, I smiled and I felt the energy I had been searching for.

Peace

This is exactly what I needed...

There's is nothing more inspiring while trying to sort your life out than returning to your roots for a good shot of humility, comfort, perspective and self examination.

I'm here in Dayton, Ohio, the place of my birth and early education, for a few days to visit family and friends. David, my oldest brother and his wife, Ursula,  of over 50 years, play host to my visit and take the time to listen to my stories and challenge my intellect and can spot immediately when I stray off course with my embellishments of my life away from my initial hometown. David challenges me when I begin to stutter and create my "Walter Mitty persona" in order to impress him with my adventures and escapades. He knows me too well. 

I sensed the first peaceful emotion as we approached the Ohio landscape from a descending 20,000 feet while viewing the patchwork of small farms of grain, beans and of course the ever familiar corn as it begins to grow as "as high as an elephant's eye"...oops wait, that was Oklahoma, the second phase of my long adventure. But still, even while flying with a hideous mask covering my face due to the imposed regulations of a pandemic, I felt the warmth of familiar sites as we got closer and closer to the location of so many of my stories of the past decades.

Dayton, as I remember it, is a smorgasbord of ethnic, hard working people who trust in their country, trust in their families and trust in each other. It gave me the cornerstone, along with my parents, to make something of my life. Dayton was the place where I learned the value of hard work by throwing newspapers, cleaning a barber shop and learning how to run a drill press at my Dad's small machine shop even before I had made it to my early teens.

Dayton was the place where my friends Bobby, and Eddie and of course "The Jer" and several others would test our skills, challenge the rules, and enjoy the world as we knew it and take each day, one day at a time to add to our resume'of life.experiences.

I've returned many times before, but for some reason this trip had a special meaning and one that I just now know as I write these words. I'm here to feel the presence of what made me who I am, something that I have lost along the way.

I'm here to take in the sites and sounds of a time I've forgotten, taste the nourishment of such wonderful foods like Hungarian cabbage rolls, the staple of the Kender household as a child, and tell myself, that "Yes,  Life is truly good and am so thankful for my health and a chance to live yet another chapter of a beautiful life".

Despite the appearance of a crazed world crumbling before me, I have a rebirth in myself. That's what is important. This is who I am. This is why I am here. Hellllooooo Dayton!.

Peace.

"You gotta know when to fold them..."

One would think that after I have clocked in/out as many days as I have in my lifetime that I would have learned to just say "No"...I would have learned to say, "Nope, I've had enough....and even after a lifetime of drinking and then remaining sober for over 20 years, one would have thought I would have learned my lesson and that I guess I just have an addictive personality and just have to know "when to fold them"....Don't despair tho, the outcome of this story is kinda outrageously funny.

I finally after all of these years had an opportunity to do something I have coveted most of my entire life, well at least for as long as it has been popular....yep, "To Sing Karaoke!!!!" Now I know you naysayers are already moving on from this story but hang in there, there is a lesson to be learned.

One of the places I have been checking out to relocate to if and when my house sells is a community for "55 and over". No, it's not a Senior Home., No, it's not an Assisted Living residence, it is simply a wonderful place where most of the residents have made the decision to scale down and enjoy life by turning over the responsibilities of maintaining a household over to someone else. The places I have visited are full of people many of them younger than me who have decided they just don't want to mow the lawn anymore, don't want to paint the house anymore and just want to spend the rest of their lives having fun and being around people with similar interests, including KARAOKE.

The barons of residential living have discovered that marketing these communities to people who are still viable and fun-loving can be a gold mine and they go all out making the transition a wonderful experience.

So, back to the scene of the crime. I'm on the mailing list for receiving daily notices of activities at this particular location. And last night was the long awaited time to finally have a chance to join the millions, or maybe just the thousands of people who have sang solo in front of an audience, albeit with a projector displaying the words and a sound track keeping you in tune.

 The event started at 5:00 pm because it was a combination dinner/theater get together .I had contacted a Facebook friend, Kate Cashman,  earlier in the day that I was aware of that has spent years singing at such a venue. Her advice was to have a back up song or two or three and most of all to have fun.

Upon entering, there is a catalog of songs probably thousands to choose from. Since it was the holiday season I decided to go with "White Christmas" , but another song I spotted immediately was "Shallow" , a song popular today from the movie "A Star is Born" and one I have been learning on the piano.

I was the first one to showcase their skills and I immediately knew I was where I was supposed to be when I was handed the microphone. The music started and I began pitch perfect, at least in my mind, as I "worked the floor" (that's show business talk) and made eye contact with people in the audience. I was loving the moment until some lady decided she wanted to finish the song beside me and kind of stole my thunder. 

I had a raucous reply from the audience and sat back down with my friend who I had invited to provide me support, Monica Evans,  as we planned our get away knowing anyone after me would be marginal at best.

And then it happened....I wanted more....that addictive personality kicked in as I drank from that "bottle of  recognition".... I should have stopped then, signed a few autographs and left feeling on top of the world. Nope, I didn't "know when to fold them"... I thought, maybe one more song.

This time I took the microphone, had a little banter with the audience, told them "I'd be in town all week", thank goodness I didn't ask if anyone was from out of state. I told the over 55 group of people that "Shallow" was a popular song from a recent movie sung by Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga and I could see people mouthing the words "did he say Gaga?"...and then I said to the DJ "hit it" like I was a seasoned performer.

I felt like I did a pretty good job which was confirmed by Monica but the applause was only half of my first performance. I think they just didn't know what the heck the song was.

And so it was,  just another lesson in my newest Journey.

 Be aware of your surroundings, enjoy what you have and don't be greedy, and most of all....just have fun.

Peace

Shame on me....."Box step Tommy"

It was just a week or two ago when I wrote a story about pleading with people to live their lives to the fullest and quit playing the piano in "Middle C".  I suggested to get out and enjoy new things, try something different than just the "missionary position" of Life..

So what's happened since then, you ask? Well, for starters I'm now calling myself  "Box-step Tommy" . Sure laugh if you want to, but it's a plight I am trying to overcome.

As many of you know I have been dancing twice a week at the Senior Centers both in Richardson and Plano. I've met some wonderful people there who in addition to enjoying dancing, they are enjoying life and squeezing every ounce out of each day and night. Many of us have experienced the same losses in one way or another and we are determined to not let a day go by that we don't create new memories in our Journey.

In addition to dancing twice a week, I  also take a group dance lesson on Friday afternoons. The first one I took several weeks ago conflicted with the weekly pool tournament that starts on time at 1:00 at the Richardson Center that I participated in and the lessons start at 2:00 pm

Here I was, just going into the winners bracket final game and I had to forfeit in order to go into the adjoining room for my dance lesson. I did get a few scofflaws from the guys in the tournament when I had to turn in my cue and go to the lesson but I'll ask the men reading this, "would you rather shoot pool with a bunch of guys and talk guy stuff or dance with lovely ladies to ballroom music?". If you don't want to answer publicly, send me a message.

So anyway, I admit I'm learning many steps and several different dances including, the waltz , foxtrot and more. And my faithful dance partner, Monica Evans, who is a wonderful dancer, puts up with my clumsiness and continues to encourage me with "you've got great rhythm, you just need to learn the steps".

I think the same thing is happening that has happened most of my life in that I tend to rely on my smile and charm to get me through difficult situations rather than stepping up to the plate and getting the job done. Maybe that smile is starting to turn upside down and that charm is wearing thin.

Or maybe I'm just getting frustrated. It seems like every time I learn a new step, then I have to learn a new one and a new one and a new one. I just want to scream, "I WANT TO JUST BOX STEP". I just want to be "Box step Tommy" and sit out the more difficult dances and not learn how to "waltz across Texas".....

HOLD ON....What was I thinking. I'm not a "Box Step Tommy" kind of guy. I want to compliment my dance partner. I want to have people ooh and aah as I spin and twirl and do the "conversation step". Heck yeah, I'm a winner and I won't take second place. I'll learn these new steps by gosh and enjoy myself as I do. The one thing I have learned is the most important thing is to have fun and if you can learn new things while having fun, well then that puts icing on the cake.

Alright, I feel better already. Time to get to Youtube and watch and then practice, practice and practice and occasionally give you an update.

Peace