There is nothing more fulfilling, more joyous than when you are watching an infant as they reach out and discover new things in their brand new world. They'll find their toes and smile to themselves. They'll reach out and grasp your finger holding on tightly with their precious little hand as they smile at you, and you back at them, both of you knowing what a wonderful experience they are having and what is to follow in their journey down the road of life. They are learning about themselves and their world.
So too have my new discoveries that have been taking place in my life during these past few months since Pattye's passing as I've learned so many things about myself, my God, and my universe, and have wanted to share with all of you. But sadly, I've been hesitant.
I have thrown away more words than I have written or published. I have silenced myself more than I have spoken. I have kept more of my emotions suppressed rather than sharing them with both friends and strangers.......and why, why do I not express myself?
How silly of me that I am willing to risk my eternal salvation for NOT sharing what I am supposed to be speaking or doing simply because I might cause a few of these supposed "social media friends", people whom many of them I have never even met in person, that I might cause them to think of me as weak for professing my Faith. For some reason, I shy away from any discussion of Faith just so I don't have to identify myself as a Believer and risking a non-existent relationship with an unmet stranger. Or perhaps I might be thought of as a hypocrite as I constantly fail while I am trying to learn.
And that takes me to what has occurred in just the past few weeks.
I had joined a small Anglican church, Restoration Church, literally across the street from where I live. I discovered it just a week before Pattye died while I was out walking Cooper on a Sunday morning and stopped and visited briefly with members of the congregation as they entered what I thought was just a large event center which mostly hosted wedding receptions or similar events. Little did I know, I would be there two Sundays later in desperate need of comfort to ease my pain.
Since then, on one recent Sunday morning, it dawned on me that this event center was transformed into my new church by volunteers who would come in early and help setup the seating, the altar, the sound system and everything that one would expect in a traditional environment in a permanent church type structure. And since I lived across the street, of course I could lend an assistance before the service started..
While our head pastor, Jed Roseberry, was helping setup for the service (yes, many participate whether teacher or student) he asked me if I was comfortable being in front of people.
"Who, me?" Of course I was comfortable. Heck, I have never met a stranger in my life. And naturally, I was thinking he was going to ask me to participate in the service, perhaps reading the Lesson or maybe helping with the Collection basket.. Boy, was I in for a surprise.
As many of you know, who attend church on a regular basis or may have grown up in religious type environment you won't be surprised what came next. Jed said, "Tom, I'd like you to tell your story. I think sharing what has happened to you would not only benefit your growth but would benefit so many people who would hear it."
Geesh, I had worked hard to blend in. Sitting in a middle row, participating in a modest way. Singing the songs, yet not too loudly and now, he wants me to expose my emotions? Well, what the heck. I agreed.
Anyway, I did share the following Sunday. I told my story. I gave my Testimony and I discovered so much more about me. More than I ever knew. Of course I struggle each day with doing the right thing but I found I am not alone in this battle. I have both my new friends and my old friends. And I have God now. I always have had Him, I guess I just was a little embarrassed to admit it to myself or to tell anyone.
UPDATE: I was able to find audio of my testimony during Jed's sermon online:
Like an infant, I'm just now discovering my toes and learning to reach out and grasp someone's extended finger or hand. I smile to myself as I learn about who I am and wonder about who I will become. It's kind of a late start for me, being near 71, but then again, I'm not the one setting the time schedule.
Peace
