"Just when you think you have seen it all"

After raising 5 kids, and now have 3 grandkids, I felt like I had just about seen it all......Nope.
What Pattye and I saw at the grocery store Sunday morning tops it all. Here was this lady, young mother actually, who had two kids, probably ages 2 and 3 with about a half basket of groceries, some fresh fruit and vegetables and the rest canned goods and paper items.
She had made a direct line over to the service desk and was having a somewhat animated conversation with the Service Manager. She had one child, a boy, in one arm and a little girl standing next to her with her shoes off and holding them in her hand. It was a little chilly that morning and I was a little surprised to see the little girl holding her shoes.
I heard the Service Manager make a comment "that's OK, things happen. Don't worry about it."
I figured one of the kids must have broken something and it had gotten all over the food and probably on the little girl's footwear.
We continued to checkout when out of the corner of my eye, I saw the woman head for the parking lot in a pretty hurried fashion.
And then, I noticed the cause of all of the commotion.
Apparently the little girl was riding in the seat in the basket and she decided to relieve herself all over her pants and all over the fruit, vegetables, and other items.
It was too late to offer any assistance, thank God, as she made her way out of the store.
Pattye and I realized what had happened just about the same time and we both agreed that was one that had never happened to either of us.
Yep, just about when you think you have seen it all, something new pops up.

"I'm a laugher ????"

I don't know what that really means though. But that's what I am. And, it seems like it keeps getting worse...or better.
It's not that there is a whole lot to laugh about these days, but when I see or hear something funny, I really laugh...a lot.
I used to think that when I heard sound tracks on TV or heard a particular voice in a live audience, that it was a "plant", someone who had been placed there to help inspire an audience.
But now I have become that guy. The laugher.
I guess it's OK though, except when I sense something really funny and then look around and no one else is guffawing like me. Either they didn't get the joke or maybe I read more into it than they did.
The worst occurrence is when I am driving by myself and happen to hear something funny on the radio and begin banging on my steering wheel in an uncontrollable fit, only to look outside the window at the car next to me and get some kind of weird stare.
Are things that funny?
Probably not, but I like to laugh.
I think some of the wittiest "stuff" still can be found in newspaper comics.
Each morning, my day is starts by running through the 5 pages of the Dallas Morning News comics section.
Get Fuzzy ranks at the top of the list, even though I sometimes don't even understand it. And of course there is Pearls before Swine, again, one that makes me laugh, but also occasionally confused.
I grew up listening to comedy albums. Bob Newhart, Bill Cosby, Cheech and Chong and Redd Foxx were all on my list.
Just thinking of the exchange in the Cheech album about the "Dave, Dave's not here, man" brings a smile to my face. (You'll have to do a little research to learn more about this routine).
And as a kid growing up in the 50's. What excitement when a Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis movie came out. I couldn't wait to get to the Saturday morning showing.
Abbott and Costello's great routine of "Who's on first" can still make me laugh today.
And what about Groucho and his crazy brothers. And the Three Stooges.
Sometimes late at night, or rather early morning, I'll scan through the cable network hoping to find old clips of "The Little Rascals".
I guess I could probably do a little self diagnosis and find out why I seem to be laughing louder and longer these days. I'm sure some expert will say I am seeking attention to myself and am really sad on the inside and am crying out for help. Who cares.... not me.
Actually, some experts say that laughter prevents heart disease .
If that's the case, then good. I'll live to a ripe old age.

"I'm sick and tired of idiots"

I'm so mad, I could spit!
Why??
This is why. This story out of Massachusetts, pretty much sums up what it happening in the world.

ATTLEBORO, Massachusetts (AP) -- Tag, you're out!
Officials at an elementary school south of Boston have banned kids from playing tag, touch football and any other unsupervised chase game during recess for fear they'll get hurt and hold the school liable.
Recess is "a time when accidents can happen," said Willett Elementary School Principal Gaylene Heppe, who approved the ban.
While there is no districtwide ban on contact sports during recess, local rules have been cropping up. Several school administrators around Attleboro, a city of about 45,000 residents, took aim at dodgeball a few years ago, saying it was exclusionary and dangerous.

Now don't get me wrong. I am in favor of protecting our children, but come on people. It's bad enough we have pedophiles in our Congress preying on kids. Sex offenders being released from prison after only serving a few months of their sentences (personally, I know how to solve that problem and it involves a sharp knife, or maybe better a dull knife), but not allowing kids to play at recess because they might get hurt, give me a break (no pun intended).
We wonder why our kids are obese. We wonder why are kids sit in the house all day playing on the computer. We wonder why our kids grow up and go to college and Mommy and Daddy have to call their professors and try to intimidate them to get a better grade.
You've read the stories. You've seen it on the news.
What in the hell have we become.
There were no better days in the Summer, or after school when we would go to the park and play baseball late into the evening. We could go on bike rides without any fear of being assaulted.
We would swim in lakes, walk in rivers, and share each other's Cokes.
Someone recently sent me an e-mail, I wish I still had it, listing all of the things we did as kids AND WE SURVIVED.
I am sick and tired of the people who enact laws and regulations that are not allowing kids to be kids.
It's time we started acting like parents, and let kids be like kids and take control back over our lives.
I'm sick of idiot school administrators, lying politicians, dumb-ass parents, .....etc.
I'm sick, sick, sick and pissed off.

"Abducted by Aliens"

Few people know the story of me being abducted by aliens. For obvious reasons I rarely share the story but perhaps it's time to bring the facts to a broader public.
About ten years ago I suddenly awoke from what seemed like a deep sleep. The surroundings hadn't changed. As a matter of fact I will still sitting on the bed getting dressed as I always did. Alternating days from putting one sock on and then one shoe, from the routine of the previous morning of putting each sock on and then each shoe. I do little things like this just to keep some variety in my life.
But this particular morning, I remember looking at my watch and noticed it was exactly 5:40 AM. Ten minutes later I found myself in the same position, one sock in my hand, getting ready to put it over my foot!!
Ten minutes. Ten full minutes had dropped out of my life and I couldn't account for any of the time.
Now I know everyone thinks there is a simple explanation for this. From simply reading my watch incorrectly, to simply being a little groggy. And yes, I will admit this was back in the days of my alcohol consumption.
But this was real or rather surreal.
I truly believe I had some kind of out of body experience.
I don't remember anything that transpired during this time. I don't remember hovering over the room. I don't remember any little green men probing me and inserting rods into places that should never be explored other than by trained medical professionals. I don't remember anything that happened at all.
The only thing I do remember is that ten minutes had come and gone and I couldn't account for it.
The only plausible answer is that I was abducted by aliens.
And now, now it has happened again.
Three weeks have passed and I can't account for much of what has happened to me other than a few hazy images of getting up every morning, going to work. Installing a new hard drive and reinstalling tons of software into Pattye's computer. Replacing a monitor on my machine. Watching the Texas/OU game and becoming very depressed. Watching the Dallas/Philadelphia game and becoming very depressed. Writing four blogs that still remain in draft form. And a few other odds and ends.
It has to be the aliens. There is no other answer.
Where o' where does the time go?
It's like I can hear every tick of the the clock these days.
Three weeks have come and gone and I am still trying to put that sock over my foot again.
Have I forgotten to stop and smell the roses? Yes.
Have I forgotten to stop and spend time doing what I really take pleasure in doing , like writing a blog? Yes.
Have I forgotten to take time and enjoy the love and friendship of those around me? Yes.
Have I been abducted by aliens?, Well, maybe.
Life really, really is too short.
I still have my list of things I want to see and do before it is too late.
See a whale.
See a shuttle launch.
See the Grand Canyon.
I'm not getting any closer to any of these dreams than I was ten years ago.
Today starts a new T.K.
I'm refocusing.
I will savor each minute like it was my last.
I'll.......oops just remembered I said I would help them out at the store today.
O.K.
Tomorrow I'll refocus.
Tomorrow I will savor each minute.
Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.