The Importance of Friends...

We all need friends. Period.

Oh, you may have tried to convince yourself that, "Oh, I'm okay. I don't need a friend.",  particularly if you've happened to have recently lost a  spouse, or close family member or even a furry-buddy and you just want to sit at home and stare at the TV all day wrapped in your loneliness blanket . But you still need friends.

Scientific studies have shown that friends are important. So important, in fact, that it's been proven that friendship can extend life expectancy. Friendship fuels the part of the brain that makes us feel good, which makes us want to keep being among our friends.

 But you know what's even better than a friend? A best friend. That's the one who will sit and talk with you for hours. They give you advice and help you make choices and they never judge you. I used to think that if you had something that was "the best", well, then there could only be just one. That's not true, particularly when it comes to friends. You can have a bunch of best friends.

Growing up in Dayton, Ohio, I had several best friends. Eddie, The Jer, Bobby, Ernie, John and several more. Sometimes we did things as a group. Sometimes we did things individually with each other. But there was never any judging or criticizing. We were simply best friends.

As I moved into high school, some of those best friends, went their own way for one reason or another, yet I still continued to grow my family of best friends. And then of course,  a whole new group of best friends suddenly appeared, those of the opposite sex. And believe me, I ain't stupid enough to list them by name and risk leaving one out and I certainly don't want to start a dang cat fight. Let's just leave it at all best friends for now.

Shooting pool with an old best friend
 and some new best friends

After high school came college and I still maintain a closeness with fraternity brothers who as a group we witnessed each others growth when we truly became men. And fortunately through Social Media we continue to express that Bond particularly during football season.

And then marriage. If you're fortunate enough to marry your best friend, or if your partner becomes your best friend afterwards, well then you have it all.......that is until something goes awry and you're no longer best friends. Heck if a divorce happens, you're gonna be lucky if you can even be in the same room together. And then there is the inevitable permanent loss of your spouse/best friend. And I got news for you, it's gonna happen. We are all going to go at some point, that's why I said inevitable.

And that brings me to now. To the present. I've had a chance to make new best friends. I've had a chance to do things that I had forgotten about over the years with old friends from the past. I'm doing new things with friends that I am just now meeting. My group of new best friends continues to expand each day.

I've had the chance to see old best friends from 50 years ago and do things I had never dreamed would happen and meet new best friends who have reminded me of simple things that at one time brought me a lot of fun. Simple things like shooting pool, something that Eddie (we used to call him Fast Eddie from the character in the move "The Hustler") and I used to do on a daily basis at Northtown Mall when we were young.

"The strong bond of friendship is not always a balanced equation; friendship is not always about giving and taking in equal shares. Instead, friendship is grounded in a feeling that you know exactly who will be there for you when you need something, no matter what or when."

I could never had made it this far without my best friends, both old and new, and I hope that I return that sentiment when they think of me.

Peace

 

When God lets bad things happen....

As some of you who follow my blog or postings on Facebook know, I was having a few conversations with God while I was down at the beach at South Padre Island a year and a half ago. He and I discussed how I was beginning to see how wonderful His creations were and we were just kinda talkin' like a couple of grown-ups.

Well today, I had another one of those discussions that I wanted to share with all of you. Not so much about the beauty of His creations but something that had just happened here at home. I had been in one of the most beautiful places in the country, Hilton Head Island, enjoying the time with friends and thanking God for the chance to do so. And, then I read on Monday morning where several tornadoes had touched down in Dallas and Richardson. I saw the horrible destruction first hand when I returned on Wednesday, that had taken place while out trying to help some people and I figured, He and I needed to have a talk. So here is how it went.

Me: Hey God, I know I haven't really talked to you too much lately but I think about you a lot these days.

God: Hi Tommy. Yes, I know you do, but I miss the chats we used to have when you were at the beach.

Me: Yeah me too. And I want to thank you for everything you have given me in the last 7 months. In some ways, I find I am happier than I have ever been given the circumstances, but I am truly at peace now and I feel my heart is pure.

God: Tommy, you've worked hard and your friends have been there to support you along the way. But that's not why you called is it? What's bothering you today?

Me: Well Dude (He doesn't mind me calling Him that as long as I use a capital D and He knows I kinda do it sometimes to make my audience smile)...Dude, why all of this horrible destruction that You sent to Dallas, are You pissed at us or something?

God: Tommy, I'm asked that question over and over every time something horrible happens. And I'll be happy to help you in this struggle. You see, you are new to all of this and you are simply living in the present. You have to learn to have Faith and look towards the future.

Me: Well, dang right I am livin' in the present and hundreds and hundreds of people are hurting just because you sent a horrible storm.

God: Tommy, I didn't send the storm and the tornadoes. This is all part of the world and these things occur on their own. Yes, if you look around you will see only misery, but didn't you just say you were helping some people also?

Me: I did and I intend to help many more. But they didn't do anything wrong. I want to believe but You just make it so difficult.

God: Tommy, my purpose and now as you have found, this is your purpose, is to help others. For years now, you have asked me over and over, "What is my purpose?"  Well, now you are finding out. Things will happen in your world that you won't understand, but you have to have Faith and know in your heart that good will come out of this. The pain will be lifted. The suffering will stop. And like you, so many will be restored in Faith.

Me: I guess I kinda understand but I feel so sorry for them.

God: Tommy, you should feel sorry for them. Remember the pain you felt 7 months ago and cursed me for taking Pattye from you. You hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. Now look at you. You have become a better person. You no longer question Me or your Faith. And most importantly you are now helping others and also telling them where they can go to ease their pain, that being Me.

Me: I guess You are right. No, I know you are right. If I simply look at the present and see only destruction then of course I am confused, but knowing that all of us will be closer to You and closer to each other, well then, if it must be, then it must be.

God: See Tommy, you're learning. And quite well I might add.

Me: Okay Buddy. I guess all I needed was to have this little talk with you and I would have understood. Dang, you sure are smart. I'm going to sign up to offer assistance to help people needing my skills to help get them back on their feet and their homes and businesses back in order.

God: Bingo! (God really didn't say Bingo, I just kinda added that). You are on your way.

Me: Okay. Thanks again, and don't be such a stranger.

God: Tommy don't you be such a stranger.

And so it went. I know people out there are suffering. Just pray to God, have Faith and things will be better in the end. I promise you.

Peace

That seedy, ugly, sordid word that sadly haunts every home..

For some reason we find comfort in knowing that we are not alone when we are plagued with sadness and we find that others suffer the same misfortune.  But, instead of wanting to correct our problem and situation, we find comfort and justification when we tell ourselves, "Well, my problem isn't as bad as theirs", or we bury the problem so deep that in our minds it no longer exists.

True, I can only speak for myself, but it seems that every time I use the "word" and I will give it to you in the next paragraph, and offer my story, I find listeners willingly begin to open up and tell their secret as well. They want to cleanse their soul and tell their side of the story.

The word is simply called "Estrangement".

Family estrangement (or, simply, estrangement) is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members, through physical and/or emotional distancing, often to the extent that there is little or no communication between the individuals involved for a prolonged period.

It never fails, that when I disclose to people what haunts me, which I don't intend to disclose at this time by the way, they begin to share.

We all hurt. It crosses all faiths, all religions, all families. Rich, poor, spiritual, educated, ignorant. White, black, brown. European, Asian or South American. Someone who was important in our lives at one time is now lost.

Brother to brother. Sister to sister. Brother to sister. Sister to brother. Father to daughter. Son to mother. It's there. Most often hidden, but if you turn over enough stones you will find that dirty little secret that families are estranged.

Several years ago a close friend was estranged from his children. The reason is not important. But what was important is the fact there was no contact.

After he was diagnosed with cancer and with little time left, his spouse made an effort to contact his children and try and reconcile as her husband lay on his deathbed. Yes, they showed up. Yes, they forgave each other. And yes, he died with somewhat of a less than broken-heart. But it maybe didn't have to be that way.

Recently, I found myself in a city I had never been in before while changing planes to get to my ultimate destination. It happened to be in a city where someone dear to me and where someone I have thought of everyday of my life lived, yet I couldn't call her because we were estranged.

As my world, as many of you know, has been rearranged recently so to speak, and I find myself, in my estimation a better person, a stronger Christian, I want to give more than receive. I want to love more than being loved. I want to bring peace and understanding instead of sorrow and despair.

I don't believe in coincidences anymore. I believe in purpose. I create the purpose because my eyes have been opened. For many years I have asked, "Why in the heck do You still have me hangin' around here?" And I've shared with all of you in the past months the answer that was always in front of me, "To help and heal others". But in order to heal others, I first have to heal myself.

I shared the story with my pastor this past Sunday about finding myself in a city and have the feeling that maybe one last effort was in order. In fact, I have actually never made that effort at all if all truth be known. I simply relegated it to Pattye and hoped maybe her efforts would have success. Nope, it's my turn now and it's my responsibility as it always was but I was too much of a coward to accept it. My pastor offered any kind of assistance, perhaps as a sounding board to try to not only find out why the ugly, horrid "estrangement" occurred but how to finally dissolve it into hell where it belongs.

Reconciliation

I doubt I will share my outcome with you. My purpose was to simply tell you my plan and perhaps give you hope that your pain as well just might have a chance to be removed and the word family can replace the word estrangement in your life. As always, I appreciate your prayers and guidance. But this time I want to offer you prayers and hope and that maybe you too can find the reconciliation you desperately wish for. Let's all try and make that one last effort. Peace

Should I or should I not...part 2

When I last left you with the St. Joseph saga a few weeks ago and the decision on whether or not to buy such statue and then bury it, per the instructions, in order to help sell my house, I was going to ask learned theologians for advice.

The original story can be found here http://ireadthenews.blogspot.com/2019/09/should-i-or-should-i-not.html  and my dilemma was that I didn't want to commit any kind of idolatry seeing that for the most part my spiritual life has been changing for the better. And I certainly didn't want to risk eternal flames for something as foolish as burying a sacred statue for monetary gain.

After I had received the clergy's blessing (no pun intended) I sought out finding the revered St. Joseph Home Selling Kit.

My first stop was to an ACE Hardware store in the neighborhood where I had found online that they provided such kits. As I entered the store, there was an attractive woman in probably her late 30s serving as a "greeter" and wearing an ACE Hardware shirt.

When she asked me if she could help me, I sheepishly whispered to her in a barely audible voice since I was still feeling like perhaps I was on questionable ground. I softly whispered, "I need to make a personal purchase?"

Her eyes widened as big as saucers and I think perhaps maybe she was thinking I was looking  for an intimate, personal device or something like that and I didn't want the public to hear. When I said, "I'm looking for a St. Joseph statue to help in selling my house". Her surprise immediately changed to a smile and she whispered back, which kind of made me giggle under my breath for her honoring my discreetness, "Oh yes, we sell those statues."

She softly said, "let me check with my manager" as she again whispered into her headset trying to find out where they were located. After receiving her answer from her manager, she nodded to me and said they were available online and could be delivered to the store. I thanked her profusely and in a fast retreat out the door with my underarms deeply pitted out, I almost ran to my car.

Well, several days went by and then I received a posting on my Facebook page from my cousin, Janice, who initiated this whole thing asking me if I had made my purchase yet. I offered up some kind of crap excuse only because again, after a childhood of learning about religion sometimes through fear and fire and brimstone, and heck I still don't even know what brimstone is, I just didn't want to cross over that line between Light and Dark.

I did a little more investigative work and sought out a Catholic Bookstore in the neighborhood and ventured in with a little more confidence hoping to make my purchase.

And just as I was going in the store I realized I didn't have my wallet. This was the first time in I guess maybe 60 years that I have ever gone anywhere without my wallet. I was stunned...and then panicked....Was this a divine sign that maybe I shouldn't be headed in this direction?

I paused and thought, "Well, maybe it's a positive test" halfway convincing myself that all was well. And since I was already at the store I thought I might as well go on in and at least see if they had them,

And oh, they did. The kind lady opened a drawer and I bet there were no less than 25 of the St. Joseph Home Selling Kits staring me in the face. Okay, this has to be all positive, a catholic store selling the statues, and getting the go ahead from the clergy. I'm gonna do it.

I raced home just under the speed limit telling myself if I get a ticket or have a wreck or God forbid, my wallet isn't at home and I lost it, well then I'll give up this idolatry scheme.

Wallet was at home. I drove back to the store, chatted with the lady for a little bit, got my package which included instructions and now I prepare to send St. Joseph to the subterranean.

I'm at peace. I think I am doing the right thing and I will certainly keep all of you  posted of what happens next.

I sincerely love the journey that I am on and how I am learning something new everyday. Yes, it's a lonely journey, but I have all of you by my side, and of course I have my trusty companion Cooper and of course The Big Guy upstairs who looks down on me with Pattye at his side and just shakes his head back and forth saying, "Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

Peace....and stay tuned for part three.

My dream kinda ended up a nighmare!!

I've given a lot of thought to where and how I want to enjoy the coming years. I had mentioned previously,  about selling the house and buying a RV and Cooper and I traveling around the country. Then at the suggestion of a high school friend, Carol Kehl Smith, she said I could just visit all of my friends and classmates around the country. That's when the following scenario came into my head-brain last night and then I awoke suddenly, in a cold sweat yet smiling!



WIFE: Honey, that guy you used to know in high school called on the landline while you were at Home Depot.  His name was Kendrick, or Kenson or something like that.

HUSBAND: Oh my gosh, was it Kender, Tom Kender, what did he say? Did he leave his number?

WIFE: He said he would call back later. Isn't he that dumbass that you told me got kicked out of high school for mooning and then ran away from home and went to Kentucky for the day or something like that?

HUSBAND: Honey that was over 50 years ago, it was just a high school thing. He's probably matured by now.

WIFE: Well, he said it's just him and his dog named Cooper now and he's traveling around the country visiting old friends in a RV. I don't want him parking some piece of crap RV in front of our house and mooching off of us. Remember that movie, "Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase and his cousin Eddie pumping out his RV into the sewer. I'm not putting up with that and besides our HOA doesn't allow for overnight parking on the street.

HUSBAND: Sweetheart, he's a good guy and I'm sure it's a nice RV. He's just kind of a rambling guy but has a heart of gold. I'm sure you'll like him. He's one of the funniest guys I know and he even does magic tricks. He claims he's a writer also.

WIFE: I don't care if he's funny. And what do you know about his grooming habits? He might go for days driving around a RV and mooch off of friends and take a shower and clog up their toilets from not going for days. And what about that dog. We've got our cats here and they sure don't want to be around some old smelly dog. He'll probably want to do his laundry as well. This house will stink to high heaven if he comes here. I really wish you would tell him we are too busy or are out of town.

HUSBAND: Honey, this guy is my friend. We used to get drunk together and drink Lawrence Screwdriver out of the bottle and made promises to each other that we would have each other's backs and we would never date each others girl friend once they broke up only unless they were hot and kinda like to mess around a lot.

WIFE: Didn't you tell me he was a freight elevator operator at Rike's Department Store after he graduated from high school.

HUSBAND: Honeybun, that was a different friend. His name was Eddie and he went on to become a successful lawyer. Tom, or as we sometimes called him, Skeeter, he went off to Oklahoma and did all kinds of different things. He later moved to Dallas and worked for a movie star and sold liquor and eventually had a Swimming Pool business for 30 years. He is a generous person also.



WIFE: Yeah, it was probably a porn star or something.Well, I don't want him messin' around with me. And who knows, he could be a pervert. You know when these guys lose a spouse they get all horny and start walkin' around with their zipper down and everything just a hangin' out and then they blame it on bein' old. And who knows he might end up stayin' and then claim he slipped on something and will want us to take care of him. And that dang dog probably sheds also.

HUSBAND: Darlin' I promise he won't be a problem and maybe your sister Helen might want to come over and meet him. He really is a good guy, kinda odd, but a great guy.

WIFE: Just what I don't want. One of your old drunk high school friends who is just hangin' out, ramblin' around, stayin' up late and being funny and then end up bein' family. I just don't like it.I bet he doesn't even have all of his own teeth and he'll leave them just sitting around someplace also.

HUSBAND: Honey, I hear you. As a matter of fact I hear you so well that I think I might ask him if I can go with him. Bye!