I've given a lot of thought to where and how I want to enjoy the coming years. I had mentioned previously, about selling the house and buying a RV and Cooper and I traveling around the country. Then at the suggestion of a high school friend, Carol Kehl Smith, she said I could just visit all of my friends and classmates around the country. That's when the following scenario came into my head-brain last night and then I awoke suddenly, in a cold sweat yet smiling!
WIFE: Honey, that guy you used to know in high school called on the landline while you were at Home Depot. His name was Kendrick, or Kenson or something like that.
HUSBAND: Oh my gosh, was it Kender, Tom Kender, what did he say? Did he leave his number?
WIFE: He said he would call back later. Isn't he that dumbass that you told me got kicked out of high school for mooning and then ran away from home and went to Kentucky for the day or something like that?
HUSBAND: Honey that was over 50 years ago, it was just a high school thing. He's probably matured by now.
WIFE: Well, he said it's just him and his dog named Cooper now and he's traveling around the country visiting old friends in a RV. I don't want him parking some piece of crap RV in front of our house and mooching off of us. Remember that movie, "Christmas Vacation" with Chevy Chase and his cousin Eddie pumping out his RV into the sewer. I'm not putting up with that and besides our HOA doesn't allow for overnight parking on the street.
HUSBAND: Sweetheart, he's a good guy and I'm sure it's a nice RV. He's just kind of a rambling guy but has a heart of gold. I'm sure you'll like him. He's one of the funniest guys I know and he even does magic tricks. He claims he's a writer also.
WIFE: I don't care if he's funny. And what do you know about his grooming habits? He might go for days driving around a RV and mooch off of friends and take a shower and clog up their toilets from not going for days. And what about that dog. We've got our cats here and they sure don't want to be around some old smelly dog. He'll probably want to do his laundry as well. This house will stink to high heaven if he comes here. I really wish you would tell him we are too busy or are out of town.
HUSBAND: Honey, this guy is my friend. We used to get drunk together and drink Lawrence Screwdriver out of the bottle and made promises to each other that we would have each other's backs and we would never date each others girl friend once they broke up only unless they were hot and kinda like to mess around a lot.
WIFE: Didn't you tell me he was a freight elevator operator at Rike's Department Store after he graduated from high school.
HUSBAND: Honeybun, that was a different friend. His name was Eddie and he went on to become a successful lawyer. Tom, or as we sometimes called him, Skeeter, he went off to Oklahoma and did all kinds of different things. He later moved to Dallas and worked for a movie star and sold liquor and eventually had a Swimming Pool business for 30 years. He is a generous person also.
WIFE: Yeah, it was probably a porn star or something.Well, I don't want him messin' around with me. And who knows, he could be a pervert. You know when these guys lose a spouse they get all horny and start walkin' around with their zipper down and everything just a hangin' out and then they blame it on bein' old. And who knows he might end up stayin' and then claim he slipped on something and will want us to take care of him. And that dang dog probably sheds also.
HUSBAND: Darlin' I promise he won't be a problem and maybe your sister Helen might want to come over and meet him. He really is a good guy, kinda odd, but a great guy.
WIFE: Just what I don't want. One of your old drunk high school friends who is just hangin' out, ramblin' around, stayin' up late and being funny and then end up bein' family. I just don't like it.I bet he doesn't even have all of his own teeth and he'll leave them just sitting around someplace also.
HUSBAND: Honey, I hear you. As a matter of fact I hear you so well that I think I might ask him if I can go with him. Bye!
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