I had an early morning visitor from long ago...

We don't get many visitors anymore and certainly not early on a Sunday morning, but as I opened the door I saw an older gentleman that I hadn't seen in years and it almost brought tears to my eyes.

I was, to say the least, floored as I welcomed him in, saying "What in the world brings you to my house?" Where have you been all of these years?"

As I helped him off with his overcoat I saw that he didn't look much older than the last time I had seen him and that had to have been 40 or 50 years ago. I could smell a sweet aroma of some foreign spice or scent in the fabric of his coat that took my mind back to a time in my life, yet, I didn't know when it could have been.

"Vell, To'mas", he said in his deep European accent and broken English speech, "You don't come visit me, so I decide to come visit you."

"But what brings you to Richardson and how on earth did you find me.", I asked with a confused look on my face. "And, how come you haven't aged?"

And then stupidly I said, "You know, actually I thought you were dead. People had even told me you were dead." He smiled and said, "Do I look dead?"

As I offered him a cup of coffee, he shrugged it off and did ask if he might have some tea. As I ransacked through the cupboard looking for some Lipton's or any old teabags, I was having flashbacks and was simply puzzled with when I had seem him last.

As I returned to the living room with his cup of tea he said, "Tommyboy, I have always been around, it's just that you never bother to look for me. Vhat is wrong, have I offended you. Have I made you mad at me?"

I couldn't think of anything that I would have done to ever have upset this kindly gentleman and I would never be mad at him. He looked at me with compassion and yet interested in what my answer would be.

And then he said in the distinctive accent once again, with a cliche' that sometimes makes people chuckle, "How you doin?"

By then Cooper had smelled of him and after a few pats on his head, Cooper laid down at the man's feet which was odd. Cooper normally is running back and forth whenever a stranger comes by, not aggressively but more wanting to play.

I tried to collect my thoughts and replied, "Well, I'm doing pretty good, We have a nice home here in Richardson. The kids are all grown now. We have a bunch of grandkids. I'm writing a lot. I doing a lot of projects. I guess everything is fine."

He looked at me as if I didn't answer his question.

"Tommyboy, but how you doin?" and this time he places his hands over his heart as if to imply, how am I on the inside.

And then it dawned on me. I didn't answer his question. I just gave him a summary of my life.

I said, "Well, maybe my soul is a little empty. Maybe it's been way too long since I have visited you. Maybe I need to spend more time with you."

He then politely said, "Vell, if you can't make it by my house, I'm on da fancy Internet thing and you can visit me dere." And then he smiled a smile that brought me back more than 60 years. A smile that brought me peace.

I got up to freshen his cup of tea and when I returned he was no longer sitting there. His overcoat was gone. Nothing. Not a trace. I was dumbfounded, but then I smelled that sweet fragrance one more time. That sweet smell of incense that reminded me of a time of innocence. Maybe it has been too long. Maybe when your friends come calling and looking for you, it's time that you should be looking for them.

Shalom

The Player Piano

I've never considered the fact that I came from a musical family. I've always thought of the Kender boys as more of the athletic type, the fix it kind of guys, the racing kind of kids who had go-karts, Cushman motor scooters and Whizzer motorbikes and all of us having a sports car. Yet looking back, there was always some kind of music going on in the house.

My oldest brother, Dave, had a great Slingerland drum set with the separate top hat and tom-tom. He not only played for the Chaminade Marching Band and Orchestra but was a member of the renowned Dayton Blackhawks Precision Drum and Bugle Corp. Ricky played the trumpet for a few years but never pursued it much after that except maybe getting it out on New Year's Eve and blaring it at midnight.

....And I, for some unknown reason, chose the clarinet, or perhaps it was chosen for me. I stayed with it until my bottom adult teeth started coming in and it hurt like heck to bend my bottom lip back while blowing on the reed. At least that's the excuse I was using, when it was in fact all I seemed to be able to get out of the ole "licorice stick", as Mom called it, was squeaks and noises that even made the dog yelp. I think I enjoyed taking the thing apart and cleaning it and lubricating the cork- filled connections more than playing it. Or even better was being allowed to venture downtown on the electric bus to Hauer's Music store by myself for that weekly lesson. If nothing else, my music teacher did compliment me on keeping it polished and working properly.

But there was another musical instrument that brings back some wonderful memories on this Sunday morning as I reminisce. It was the wonderful player piano that stood almost majestic down in our basement in Dayton, Ohio, placed back against a wall surrounded by the clothes washing machine and dryer, the sanitary tubs and the furnace. Collecting dust, but still always there even if it meant just a quick version of "chopsticks" when passing by.

Mom would infrequently play a song or two, usually when she thought she was alone. But on occasion as I wandered through the house without anyone knowing I was there, I could hear her tunes. She played mostly ragtime but now and then a love song. There wasn't much time for a mother of three boys to have time to herself as one could imagine. But the moments she did find time brought back memories to her that I could see in her face.

My childhood friend, "The Jer", and I would mess around with the piano while exploring through the house. One of us would get down on our knees and hand push the pedals while the other faux-played the keys at they went up and down as the roller turned the music through each song. It was magical to simply watch the piano play so many different songs all done by some genius way of poking tiny little holes in paper as it went from start to finish. And, I guess, it is time to confess, and I'll blame it on "The Jer", we would poke a few extra holes in the paper ourselves, not to be destructive, but I think we thought we were creating our own music.

The player piano was sold off during an estate sale held after my Dad had passed away and Mom had moved to Assisted Living. I'm not sure who owns it today or if it even exists.

I wish I even knew how it came into our family and even more importantly how in the world they ever got in down in the basement. David said Dad had to knock out a part of the just recently knotty-pined finished wall that he installed.

I do have a roll of music though that my sister-in-law sent to me after the piano was sold. I had forgotten about it, but touching it now brings back a wonderful time in my life that I now love sharing. The roll is called "Chapel Chimes" and ironically it came from a place called the Leyhe Piano Company in Dallas, Texas. That connection gives me chills as well. The label say it is a Library Roll and you could rent it for 15 days for 5 cents, or purchase it.

Perhaps today, if you have a special treasure in your home take it out and share it's history with a family member, maybe a child or grandchild, niece or nephew. Tell them how it played a part in your life and what it means to you today.

And now I hear my note to exit this memory. It's been a fine one.

Add one more item to my bucket list...

After years and years of assisting in the Emergency Room to the Operating Room with such wonderful medical staff like Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. Marcus Welby, Dr. James Kildare, and Drs. John Carter and David Morgenstern, it never dawned on me to think about it.

And after rolling around in the back of a racing ambulance with the crew from Emergency! like Richard Mantooth and Julie London and now with Gabby Dawson and Silvie Brett from Chicago Fire as I helped perform emergency tracheotomies and do chest tube thingys and inflate lungs with soda straws, I never stopped to think about it.

And the many times I have been in the wilderness and had to amputate legs with a Swiss Army knife and cauterize the wounds with a glowing red Bowie knife I placed in the fires to sear the blood vessels, I just didn't realize it.

And the babies I have delivered as moms went into labor and we drove as fast as we could to the hospital, I just took things for granted.

After all of this time of listening to other people's hearts with the imaginary stethoscope I had around my neck as I sat glued to the TV set....I just now realized that I have never heard my own heart beat. Nope, not once.

I guess I didn't get the Doctors Kit for Christmas like other kids. Usually my toys were mechanical in nature. Things like erector sets or Lincoln logs that would be strewn around my room instead of things like the Human Body or the Human Head-Brain.

My heart has been with me even before I was born. It was the first thing months before while in the womb of what would become Tommy Kender. It started beating and it has never stopped once. And yet, I have never heard it's sound.

Let me do the math for you. I'll be 70 this year and let's say that on average the heart beats 80 times a minute and (I Googled it) there are 525,960 minutes in a year.......PEOPLE, THAT IS 2,945,376,000 times that my heart will have beat by the time my birthday rolls around!!! I don't even know what you call that number...I guess a gazillion...And yet, I HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY HEARD IT BEAT ONE TIME....Amazing, huh.

I have choked it with smoke, drowned it with booze, clogged it with fat and yet it continues. I go to bed and it beats and I wake up and it is still beating and I have never heard it. Yeah, I know some of you wisenheimers out there are sayin', "Tommy, that's because you don't really have a heart". Well, that may be. I guess it's like if there is no one around  to hear a tree fall is there really a sound.

My heart has been BROKEN and RAISED UP and DUG DEEP INTO. It's been CROSSED and PROMISED. It's been OPENED and LISTENED TO at least with my mind. But I have never once heard it beat.

So, just maybe, I might stop at CVS today and buy a cheap stethoscope and see just what the heck it sounds like....then again maybe I might just keep that mystery alive.

I'm now thinking, what an incredible experience that when one's "time" comes,  that as you were laying in bed with family around you, you could be listening to your heart beat and then, but not with the piercing noise of some machine warning that your heart had stopped....but simply your could hear your final beat and then the "sound of silence".

Anyway, I'll let you all know what I hear, if in fact I hear anything.

Just another one of those thoughts that wake me up in the middle of the night.

Adieu

Good manners never go out of style

One of the many things that I am so thankful for is how my parents taught me good manners.

I can remember going  different places with my Dad and he would always wear his fedora hat. Whenever he would pass a woman he would always kinda tip his hat and softly say "How do you do". It's just how it was and I'm sure the other men during that time did the same thing, assuming they were reared properly.

And of course, never would a woman or anyone senior to Dad,  have to open a door when Dad was around.

I feel I have followed in his footsteps correctly. And of course, Mom taught me manners as well, from learning how to eat and hold my silverware properly, seat a woman at a table and many, many more. I'm curious if it is still proper for men to act somewhat gallant with today's generation or if in fact it is considered sexist.  I'll still do it my way regardless of the current decorum.

I did have an incident yesterday though while at the doctors office while I was there for  an annual visual body scan with my Dermatologist.

Her PA had come into the room initially and after asking me the normal questions she told me I could remove my clothes down to my underwear  and then gave me a sheet so  I could cover myself   as I sat on the examination table.

After a few minutes of following her instructions, I suddenly panicked when I thought to myself, "Dang,since my Dermatologist was a woman and I always stand whenever a woman or really anyone enters a room, would it be more impolite to stand up in my skivvies and shake her hand with the possibility of the sheet falling or should I remain seated?"

Well, the doctor knocked, I said "Yes" and she extended her hand immediately as I kinda half stood. Problem solved.

I recounted to her the dilemma that went through my mind right before she came in and she laughed and then we got down to business.

My Dad always told me that, "Son, never forget where you came from and always have good manners" .....I guess that is even true when you are in your skivvies...People may not even notice if you are polite.

It's not WHERE we live, but HOW we live

I'm sure most of us have wondered how we ended up where we are. What stars crossed to place us in such locations as Hendersonville or Bristol or Grandview or Dayton or Yuba City or even Dallas.

I mean never in my wildest dreams did I ever think I would be owning my own equestrian ranch in Salt Lake City....um...oops...I forgot, that's not me. But seriously, we are where we are regardless of whether we chose to be there or not. We are where we are because we are needed to be there.

Of course it's important to be where we are, but not because of the location or address. What is important is what are we doing with our lives where we are located. There is no such thing as retirement. We continue to work, continue to provide service, continue to nurture family, continue to set examples. Just being there for someone, whether they live across the street or in another state is what is important.

Mothers never stop being mothers. Fathers never stop being fathers. Grandmothers, which is probably the best job going, get to nurture but they also get to help even in the smallest ways to mold and build character.

In today's world, we are simply a phone call away. A short text away or even a Facetime or Skype away. We greet our friends on the Internet each day. We say hello and share pictures. We share both the good news and sadly, the bad news.

Yet, we still sometimes foolishly daydream, "I wish I lived here or there and had sunshine and warmth year round".

The warmth and sunshine comes from within not from the outside. Some people live in what we might think is "paradise", yet they could be miserable within themselves. And heck, you might have 5 feet of snow outside your door this morning, but the warmth you can give a friend or family member with simply a phone call or taking a meal next door could bring more sunshine than Florida would ever see.

Be happy wherever you live. Spread your sunshine and melt those icicles from your neighbor's roof. And be the one to set the example. You'd be surprised how many people look up to you.

Peace my friends.

Warmth is just a thought away.