It's all about "perspective".....

When I was a little 10 year-old Skeeter boy growing up in Dayton, Oho in the early 50's one of my early misdirections in life was attempting to learn to play the clarinet. I say misdirected because I HAD to learn to play it. It wasn't my choice. Oh, don't get me wrong....I chose the clarinet as the musical instrument that I wanted to learn to play but when it came time to practice and go to lessons, well heck...that wasn't happenin'.

I would ride the bus downtown to Hauer Music store and reluctantly sit and wait my turn to show my teacher what I had learned and then supposedly practiced the previous week. It was the same story week after week. No improvement. Just the squeaks and squeals as I tried to fight my way thru for that miserable half hour. But that's what happens when you don't practice, when you don't try to learn.....No results.

But that was me then. A kid always looking for adventure but not really wanting to make the sacrifices necessary to produce positive results. It was how I looked at things. It was my perspective.

Today, though things were different.

Some 60 years later as I waited all week long for my first piano lesson that would take place later in the day at my new teacher, Amy Munro's,  home,  I would find something I would later describe to a friend as beautiful. I was truly in another zone as I focused, something I have to really fight to do, on learning every thing she was saying, everything she was showing me, and everything in my new study book.

I know thousands and thousands of you have taken piano and music lessons before and many of you are, I'm sure, quite accomplished at it.

But for me, this was a breakthrough. This was me learning to do something I wanted if for no other reason than to simply hear the music of my own creations.

Sure I have sat down at the piano hundreds of times and hit the keys and heard the reverberating sounds. I've even written about it before on occasion.But that was just sound. That was a wave of pressure as the vibration went through the air.

But I was so focused. I was so enthralled with the genius design of such a wonderful instrument that instead of my counting the minutes until my lesson ended as when I was a young lad learning the clarinet, now I almost heartbroken that my short time had come to an end.

Do I make more out of this than what it really is?... Not in my mind.

Nope, not on drugs, not early dementia, not overly tired, none of those things. I truly felt I was part of the key as it simply struck a C# string (see how smart I'm getting!).

I don't care why I felt this way. All I know is I did. And, I want more. I want more and more and more. Maybe it's the loneliness  and I want music and sound in my life. I don't know.

I do know I loved the passion. I loved the passion I felt for making my own sounds.

No, this won't be another past failed episode in the life of a little Skeeter boy. This was too real.

Anyway, you asked....so there it is.....and embellished as always. But I know my soul is afire and perhaps I have ignited a fire in yours as well to follow your dream.

Peace

A simple change in my life might be a life-changing moment

We are truly one with the Universe. Just as the tides ebb and flow, so do our emotions as we have our exhilarating moments only to be followed by the receding moment of despair. Sometimes we are thrown about upon the beach like a rag doll tossed into the wind and as we try to steady ourselves in the soft sand, we are then pulled back into the sea and are swallowed up in the backwash.

This now-ending Memorial Day weekend was for me, a true example of the ebb and flow of the tides. Not only with the sound of Taps being played throughout the Land, but the silence that then followed when we remembered our fallen heroes and then a quick reminder of those close to us who have passed recently although not necessarily connected to the Service, but just still in our hearts.

I'm not here living in the past as one might think, but simply trying to find a way to carve out my future. I'm not sure what changes I'll make to bring happiness, and I'm not sure changes I'll make to soften the sadness. I had wasted most of the day, contemplating each decision that came to mind. So, what do you do when you need an answer to Life's many questions.....you head to WalMart to fill up those Life pantries and find short term answers.

I'm not buying much, nor am I buying anything new...just the basics, coffee, creamer, Popsicles and Reese's cups. Heck, some woman in Hawaii survived on insects and roots for 17 days, so my bounty is respectively full.

As I passed thru the candy aisle, I spotted a familiar white logo on a red shirt of a man perhaps in his late 40s or 50s. I called out the "Boomer Sooner" chant to him and he responded with a smile and a handshake as any good University of Oklahoma grad would do.. We talked briefly. I introduced myself to his wife and his adult daughter and just as I was leaving the aisle, I asked him and his family what they did, where they lived and how long have they been in the area....It's what I do...It used to drive Pattye crazy, but I enjoy meeting people and having them share their information.

Well, come to find out, this lovely lady teaches piano.  I quickly told my story of the recent changes in my life and including that I have a baby grand in desperate need of singing "his/her" 88 keys once again.
She asked if I played, and I answered, "no". I said I can read music and once played the clarinet. She smiled and said, "It's time to learn".

I agreed.

What had started off with a morning with the silence of despair as I woke up to yet a new day of my new beginning as my emotions were pulled back into sea, now had reversed the flow and my excitement was like the giant Kahuna wave that surfers long for....YES, I'll learn the piano at age 70 and I will once again rejoice in song. I won't be living in the past longing to hear notes come from within the piano but soon I will be playing the notes myself that will resonate throughout the house and my life.

A chance meeting while seeking answers at WalMart of all places will be yet another placard on the storyboard of my Life. Yes, this day ended on a positive note . (No pun intended...well, actually it was intended and I thought it was kind of a clever ending)

I begin next Tuesday.

Peace

Food for the Soul can sometimes be just empty calories...

Before anyone gets into a panic, let me reassure you that the below picture was taken early this morning and I have since been to the grocery store and replenished my food supply. So please, if you feel the need to send along a CARE package, there's no need, of course if you have any Esther Price candies sitting around, they are always welcomed...just kidding...kinda sorta about the CARE package.

But in filling my pantry or at least my refrigerator,  as I sheepishly admit, that I did fill my buggy at the store with a good amount of junk food, the good news is I am eating. The bad news it's a lot of empty calories. And that whole scenario gave cause for me to write this blog.

The human body can survive without food for more than 3 weeks but without water you might only last 3 or 4 days. So by consuming one bag of  Lay's Sour Cream and Onion potato chips, a bag of Reese's cups, a package of slices of processed cheese, or a medium bag of Cheetoh Puffs, I can live for months or even years. One's body learns to adapt. But are you living or just surviving?

The same is true for the food that nourishes our soul. We can actually live an entire lifetime with little more than  one morsel of food for our soul. We can load it full of junk food. We can fill it up with candy and sweets and chips. We can drown it with alcohol. We can fill it with hallucinate drugs. We can put anything we want into our souls and  experience the indigestion that affects us like when we eat a batter-fried jalapeno or a oversize chicken-fried steak, mashed potatoes and country gravy. But it's just like how we treat our physical bodies...is it living or just surviving.

The dichotomy of our physical well being and our inner spiritual meaning are in fact not opposed but are aligned. Think about it, do we make correct, well thought decisions when we are gorging ourselves with empty calories? Are we on our best mental game when we succumb to that Hershey bar or Kit Kat rush?

The reverse is true as well.....how can we expect our physical bodies to function properly when we fill our heads with lies, fake news, hate rhetoric, suspicions and morally corrupt thoughts. The fact is we can't.

I don't care how many supposed facts, how many articles, how many talk shows discussions, how many Facebook posts or blogs you read including mine,  or how many news shows you "feed your soul" if it's not healthy, if it's just junk food, then it's just empty calories and like your physical body, your soul will simply waste away until there is nothing left.

I'm fortunate that I have been given a new chance to mull over my life decisions. I've been able to weigh good against not-so-good. And yes, healthy diet versus empty calories.

I'm certainly not advocating abstaining from fun snacks and fun thoughts. But moderation for both is what is important. I started this blog with a Reese's cup in hand and now I'll finish it with an often heard and often repeated axiom, that comes from within "We are what we eat". But now I want you to take it a step further and include it in your menu for your soul. We are what we feed our souls as well.

Peace

New found freedoms ain't exactly what you think they might be.....

For several years now, since my youngest daughter, Kassidy, and her husband, Ben, and sons, Caleb, Nathan, Owen and Brendon (yep, lots of boys) , have moved backed to Oklahoma, Pattye and I would make the trip to Ardmore to either visit on holidays or simply just to see the kids.

It's a relatively short trip from Richardson, only a little over 100 miles, and it takes you across the Red River and into Oklahoma. And after only 3 miles from the state line and suddenly you are at the largest casino in the U.S., the WinStar World Casino and Resort with 600,000 square feet of gambling pleasure.

Every time we would pass by, I would say to Pattye, "Wanna stop?", knowing full well she had her schedule and the casino was not listed on it. It wasn't that she was against gambling, as a matter of fact she was actually pretty good at it. She had made her first trip to Las Vegas way before we met and then later after we were married, we made several trips to Lake Tahoe where I would spend the day skiing, a couple of times with  my high school friend, P.J. Shank who lived nearby in Yuba City, Calif., while Pattye would spend endless hours playing black jack, roulette and the slots.

I've always enjoyed my money too much to want to part it with while playing any game where the House has the advantage, but even still I wasn't against trying my chance at a slot machine on occasion.

But that was then, and this is now. So on my latest trip to Ardmore this past week, as I was taking Cooper to stay with Kass and all the boys as I began preparing for a much needed visit to Dayton, Ohio on Wednesday, and my first time away since Pattye's passing, I drove past the casino on my way North. I kinda smiled to myself and found myself saying to an empty car, well except for Cooper, "Wanna stop?". It was a good memory and even Cooper's ears perked up thinking like I was talking to him.

Well, I didn't stop on the way up, but after I dropped off my loyal furry-boy for a week of fun, I headed back South and back  home and the casino came into view.

Hmmm, yep, one of these new found freedoms that I certainly didn't choose to have but have now been thrust upon me. "Should I stop or should I go?...Decisions, decisions. Heck, I needed to eat so dang it, I might as well stop at the World's Largest Casino.

There were hundreds of cars in the parking lot and it was just 2:00 PM on a Monday afternoon. Well, maybe there were tourists, I thought. As I locked my car and proceeded to go into one of the many entrances, a man slightly bent over, walking with a kind of slow shuffle, caught my eye.

As always I greeted him like I do anyone, anytime, with a "How ya doin?" He smiled and said, "Well it's kind of a sad day"

Gosh, I had shared my story so many times in the past month and a half that I guess I had forgotten that so many others have sadness in their life and I am certainly not alone. I asked him politely what the problem was?

"Well," he said, "I'm divorcing my third wife today and I just needed to come here and have some fun." I smiled back wondering what to say and he continued, "She's just like the other two. We couldn't get along. They all complained about me always wanting to come here to have fun. I guess it wasn't their cup of tea."
I smiled again  and said, "Well dang, you were gamblin'"and then briefly shared my experience these past few weeks and he said, "Well dang, maybe my troubles aren't quite as bad as I thought"

He walked with me into the casino and actually we headed to the main entrance. It had been many, many years since I had been in a casino. Back in those days, everything was so much different. You played the slots by putting in real coins and when you won you got real coins back. Not anymore. In addition to having to show ID to get a plastic club card, everything is instant push buttons and  if and when you win, you get a credit to your card. I guess it's still fun.

The first thing that caused me to realize I was in the wrong place was as soon as we entered one of the many rooms, the acrid smell of stale cigarettes hit me in the face. "Are you kidding me, I said aloud, "This is 2019 and the place allows smoking?" But not only do they allow smoking, every person I saw at the afternoon soiree had a cig in their mouth, hanging off their lip, while pushing their walker and even some dragging along an oxygen tank.

Wow, I don't think I will be staying long.

I walked around for about 40 minutes, occasionally, actually often, coughing and decided, "Nah, this wasn't such a good idea. But heck, why don't I try at least one slot."

It wasn't the conventional slot as I had known so many years ago. It was flashing neon, blaring music and very enticing. I put my players card into the machine, (this way the IRS can keep tabs on you) took out a $20.00, slid it into the tray and immediately I had a $20.00 credit. Since there was no handle to pull, you're left with a choice of different buttons on this particular no-arm bandit. I played just 50 cents at a time but it took only seconds as I watched my fortune dwindle down. $19.50, $19.00, $18.50, $18.00, $17.50 an then suddenly it happened. I was a winner. I had no idea what the combination was, the chart was too small to read and it didn't have cherries or sevens or nothing I recognized.

Suddenly, I saw my balance was up to $20.05. I said under my breath, "Heck yeah." I cashed out, took my ticket, with no fanfare of hearing coins drop out of the machine. Got my $20 back plus 5 pennies and got the hell out of there.

I know Pattye was smiling as I was experiencing my first found freedom. I smiled back and said, "Thanks for stoppin"

I hauled my butt back to Richardson, thankful for the day and thankful for a good memory AND 5 cents richer than when I left!

Sometimes I just have to be me....a simple man

More than once over these years, I've written about the importance of "the journey". To me, the road one takes to their destination is far more important than the planting of the flag at the crest of the mountain. The journey is where you learn about yourself. You learn about your weaknesses and you learn about your strengths. You learn about what matters in your life, and you learn about what you can discard to lighten your load.

Each road we take whether it be the one less traveled or the long and winding one, we gather mementos to remind us of our visits along the way. We take mental snapshots and  store them in our hearts to help  remind us of the people we meet and the  places we visit.

Sometimes our journeys end much quicker than we ever expected, often without any warning, as we take our last step fully thinking we will have plenty of steps left for tomorrow and the next day.

Sometimes our travels are difficult and each step is a struggle as we drag that millstone we have created and placed  around our neck wondering "Why me, Lord?...Why have you made me be the one to carry the burden of mankind on my shoulders". That millstone is only as heavy as we choose to make it. We can remove it at anytime. We have the power to be whomever we choose to be. It's that gift we were given at the time of our birth. We have that freedom of choice.

So I choose to be me. I choose to be that simple man that finds happiness in just being able take in each day and embrace it for whatever is in front of me. To hear music when there is just sound or even lack of sound. To see visions in the clouds forming my own impressions from the simple puffs of whitened air. I choose to take all I have been given, both sadness and happiness, and find a way through my words to help soften one's life, possibly leaving signposts along a path that one has chosen to maybe brighten their day.

I was frightened as this new path of mine suddenly appeared. I was frightened of being alone. Being scared at night with just my loyal furry-boy beside me. And full of despair when the silence of an empty house echoed only my voice.

But it's just a journey. One I have taken many times before. From building a raft to float the Stillwater River to the ends of the world with my best friend, "The Jer".... to going off to college even before I had turned eighteen.....to enlisting in the Air Fore when this country was at War.....to raising kids....and, yes,  to planning the final arrangements of someone so dear to me.

So, I've packed my rucksack once again filled with memories of the past and subsistence for the future.. I have faith in God, I have faith in myself,  I have my health and I have family and friends who are willing to walk along with me as I get another chance to take in this glorious life I have been given.

 I no longer ask the question, "Why am I here?".....I had  been given that answer long ago, I guess I just  wasn't paying attention..... I'm here to be me, a simple man.