The Importance of Friends...

We all need friends. Period.

Oh, you may have tried to convince yourself that, "Oh, I'm okay. I don't need a friend.",  particularly if you've happened to have recently lost a  spouse, or close family member or even a furry-buddy and you just want to sit at home and stare at the TV all day wrapped in your loneliness blanket . But you still need friends.

Scientific studies have shown that friends are important. So important, in fact, that it's been proven that friendship can extend life expectancy. Friendship fuels the part of the brain that makes us feel good, which makes us want to keep being among our friends.

 But you know what's even better than a friend? A best friend. That's the one who will sit and talk with you for hours. They give you advice and help you make choices and they never judge you. I used to think that if you had something that was "the best", well, then there could only be just one. That's not true, particularly when it comes to friends. You can have a bunch of best friends.

Growing up in Dayton, Ohio, I had several best friends. Eddie, The Jer, Bobby, Ernie, John and several more. Sometimes we did things as a group. Sometimes we did things individually with each other. But there was never any judging or criticizing. We were simply best friends.

As I moved into high school, some of those best friends, went their own way for one reason or another, yet I still continued to grow my family of best friends. And then of course,  a whole new group of best friends suddenly appeared, those of the opposite sex. And believe me, I ain't stupid enough to list them by name and risk leaving one out and I certainly don't want to start a dang cat fight. Let's just leave it at all best friends for now.

Shooting pool with an old best friend
 and some new best friends

After high school came college and I still maintain a closeness with fraternity brothers who as a group we witnessed each others growth when we truly became men. And fortunately through Social Media we continue to express that Bond particularly during football season.

And then marriage. If you're fortunate enough to marry your best friend, or if your partner becomes your best friend afterwards, well then you have it all.......that is until something goes awry and you're no longer best friends. Heck if a divorce happens, you're gonna be lucky if you can even be in the same room together. And then there is the inevitable permanent loss of your spouse/best friend. And I got news for you, it's gonna happen. We are all going to go at some point, that's why I said inevitable.

And that brings me to now. To the present. I've had a chance to make new best friends. I've had a chance to do things that I had forgotten about over the years with old friends from the past. I'm doing new things with friends that I am just now meeting. My group of new best friends continues to expand each day.

I've had the chance to see old best friends from 50 years ago and do things I had never dreamed would happen and meet new best friends who have reminded me of simple things that at one time brought me a lot of fun. Simple things like shooting pool, something that Eddie (we used to call him Fast Eddie from the character in the move "The Hustler") and I used to do on a daily basis at Northtown Mall when we were young.

"The strong bond of friendship is not always a balanced equation; friendship is not always about giving and taking in equal shares. Instead, friendship is grounded in a feeling that you know exactly who will be there for you when you need something, no matter what or when."

I could never had made it this far without my best friends, both old and new, and I hope that I return that sentiment when they think of me.

Peace

 

When God lets bad things happen....

As some of you who follow my blog or postings on Facebook know, I was having a few conversations with God while I was down at the beach at South Padre Island a year and a half ago. He and I discussed how I was beginning to see how wonderful His creations were and we were just kinda talkin' like a couple of grown-ups.

Well today, I had another one of those discussions that I wanted to share with all of you. Not so much about the beauty of His creations but something that had just happened here at home. I had been in one of the most beautiful places in the country, Hilton Head Island, enjoying the time with friends and thanking God for the chance to do so. And, then I read on Monday morning where several tornadoes had touched down in Dallas and Richardson. I saw the horrible destruction first hand when I returned on Wednesday, that had taken place while out trying to help some people and I figured, He and I needed to have a talk. So here is how it went.

Me: Hey God, I know I haven't really talked to you too much lately but I think about you a lot these days.

God: Hi Tommy. Yes, I know you do, but I miss the chats we used to have when you were at the beach.

Me: Yeah me too. And I want to thank you for everything you have given me in the last 7 months. In some ways, I find I am happier than I have ever been given the circumstances, but I am truly at peace now and I feel my heart is pure.

God: Tommy, you've worked hard and your friends have been there to support you along the way. But that's not why you called is it? What's bothering you today?

Me: Well Dude (He doesn't mind me calling Him that as long as I use a capital D and He knows I kinda do it sometimes to make my audience smile)...Dude, why all of this horrible destruction that You sent to Dallas, are You pissed at us or something?

God: Tommy, I'm asked that question over and over every time something horrible happens. And I'll be happy to help you in this struggle. You see, you are new to all of this and you are simply living in the present. You have to learn to have Faith and look towards the future.

Me: Well, dang right I am livin' in the present and hundreds and hundreds of people are hurting just because you sent a horrible storm.

God: Tommy, I didn't send the storm and the tornadoes. This is all part of the world and these things occur on their own. Yes, if you look around you will see only misery, but didn't you just say you were helping some people also?

Me: I did and I intend to help many more. But they didn't do anything wrong. I want to believe but You just make it so difficult.

God: Tommy, my purpose and now as you have found, this is your purpose, is to help others. For years now, you have asked me over and over, "What is my purpose?"  Well, now you are finding out. Things will happen in your world that you won't understand, but you have to have Faith and know in your heart that good will come out of this. The pain will be lifted. The suffering will stop. And like you, so many will be restored in Faith.

Me: I guess I kinda understand but I feel so sorry for them.

God: Tommy, you should feel sorry for them. Remember the pain you felt 7 months ago and cursed me for taking Pattye from you. You hated me and wanted nothing to do with me. Now look at you. You have become a better person. You no longer question Me or your Faith. And most importantly you are now helping others and also telling them where they can go to ease their pain, that being Me.

Me: I guess You are right. No, I know you are right. If I simply look at the present and see only destruction then of course I am confused, but knowing that all of us will be closer to You and closer to each other, well then, if it must be, then it must be.

God: See Tommy, you're learning. And quite well I might add.

Me: Okay Buddy. I guess all I needed was to have this little talk with you and I would have understood. Dang, you sure are smart. I'm going to sign up to offer assistance to help people needing my skills to help get them back on their feet and their homes and businesses back in order.

God: Bingo! (God really didn't say Bingo, I just kinda added that). You are on your way.

Me: Okay. Thanks again, and don't be such a stranger.

God: Tommy don't you be such a stranger.

And so it went. I know people out there are suffering. Just pray to God, have Faith and things will be better in the end. I promise you.

Peace

That seedy, ugly, sordid word that sadly haunts every home..

For some reason we find comfort in knowing that we are not alone when we are plagued with sadness and we find that others suffer the same misfortune.  But, instead of wanting to correct our problem and situation, we find comfort and justification when we tell ourselves, "Well, my problem isn't as bad as theirs", or we bury the problem so deep that in our minds it no longer exists.

True, I can only speak for myself, but it seems that every time I use the "word" and I will give it to you in the next paragraph, and offer my story, I find listeners willingly begin to open up and tell their secret as well. They want to cleanse their soul and tell their side of the story.

The word is simply called "Estrangement".

Family estrangement (or, simply, estrangement) is the loss of a previously existing relationship between family members, through physical and/or emotional distancing, often to the extent that there is little or no communication between the individuals involved for a prolonged period.

It never fails, that when I disclose to people what haunts me, which I don't intend to disclose at this time by the way, they begin to share.

We all hurt. It crosses all faiths, all religions, all families. Rich, poor, spiritual, educated, ignorant. White, black, brown. European, Asian or South American. Someone who was important in our lives at one time is now lost.

Brother to brother. Sister to sister. Brother to sister. Sister to brother. Father to daughter. Son to mother. It's there. Most often hidden, but if you turn over enough stones you will find that dirty little secret that families are estranged.

Several years ago a close friend was estranged from his children. The reason is not important. But what was important is the fact there was no contact.

After he was diagnosed with cancer and with little time left, his spouse made an effort to contact his children and try and reconcile as her husband lay on his deathbed. Yes, they showed up. Yes, they forgave each other. And yes, he died with somewhat of a less than broken-heart. But it maybe didn't have to be that way.

Recently, I found myself in a city I had never been in before while changing planes to get to my ultimate destination. It happened to be in a city where someone dear to me and where someone I have thought of everyday of my life lived, yet I couldn't call her because we were estranged.

As my world, as many of you know, has been rearranged recently so to speak, and I find myself, in my estimation a better person, a stronger Christian, I want to give more than receive. I want to love more than being loved. I want to bring peace and understanding instead of sorrow and despair.

I don't believe in coincidences anymore. I believe in purpose. I create the purpose because my eyes have been opened. For many years I have asked, "Why in the heck do You still have me hangin' around here?" And I've shared with all of you in the past months the answer that was always in front of me, "To help and heal others". But in order to heal others, I first have to heal myself.

I shared the story with my pastor this past Sunday about finding myself in a city and have the feeling that maybe one last effort was in order. In fact, I have actually never made that effort at all if all truth be known. I simply relegated it to Pattye and hoped maybe her efforts would have success. Nope, it's my turn now and it's my responsibility as it always was but I was too much of a coward to accept it. My pastor offered any kind of assistance, perhaps as a sounding board to try to not only find out why the ugly, horrid "estrangement" occurred but how to finally dissolve it into hell where it belongs.

Reconciliation

I doubt I will share my outcome with you. My purpose was to simply tell you my plan and perhaps give you hope that your pain as well just might have a chance to be removed and the word family can replace the word estrangement in your life. As always, I appreciate your prayers and guidance. But this time I want to offer you prayers and hope and that maybe you too can find the reconciliation you desperately wish for. Let's all try and make that one last effort. Peace